Keep Calm and Sew on

I had a thought while sewing yesterday. A few thoughts.

I think I'm drawn to sewing (and crafting in general) because there are neat, straight lines. It's quite tidy when things are done correctly. The neat perfection seems to give me a feeling of order...and safety.

Perfection = Order = Safety

Interesting.

Follow up thoughts: My sewing is rarely neat and never perfect (except for those button holes on the Thanksgiving baby dress, squeeeee!); therefore, I also get to learn that imperfect things are still beautiful and valuable.

Boom!

Things That Make Me Inordinately Happy in Comparison to Effort Expended, In No Particular Order (2014)

I did this kind of list once before, in time for New Year 2013. This isn't a New Year's Day list, and I don't make resolutions, exactly, but I want to bring more focus on joy and fulfillment toward the end of this year. Therefore, in no particular order, here is a list of things that make me ridiculously happy.

•  When my little kitteh, D, snuggles up on my shoulder and snurrs (snoring/purring)





• Also when she finds stinky shoes or workout clothes and wallows in them in complete unfettered joy


• When a song comes on that I once loved but haven't heard in a decade or two


• Checking things off a list; I am so bad that I will add stuff I've already done to a list just so that I can mark them off


• Getting a zit to pop, even though I know I'm not supposed to do that


• When the kittehs sleep on their backs and leave those fuzzy tummies exposed


• Colorful veggies all washed and chopped and ready for snacking





• Getting cold enough to actually enjoy wearing a sweater


• Hearing my beloved's voice from another room


• Bad puns


• Making B laugh

I'm certain there's more, but you get the idea. For a change I want to look for good things instead of only looking for the bad things, because if that's all you look for, that's all you will ever see.

NEDA Walk Orlando 2014 - My Binge Eating Disorder Speech

This morning we had the Nat'l Eating Disorder walk for awareness at Lake Eola in Orlando Florida. We almost got rained out, but it passed quickly and turned out to be a beautiful morning.

We had a lovely singer and then I got to do my little speech, about 9 minutes or so, about Binge Eating Disorder. If the video will post - I'm about to find out - here it is!

I didn't get nervous until it was time to walk out on the stage, and I spend the first 7 minutes or so shifting from side to side. Feel free to scream "Be still!" at the video-me as often as you like. Afterward I pretty much just hugged the first person that I saw so that I wouldn't start crying.

Okay, here's the YouTube link. It's too big to load to Blogger... NEDA Walk Orlando 2014 Speech

Coping Mechanism

It's nice sometimes to remember that bingeing wasn't my ONLY coping mechanism. For instance, when I was upset enough that I couldn't hide it I would go and take a very long, very hot shower and bawl like a baby. No one could hear me, the heat hid the puffiness and red eyes, and the hot water was very soothing. It still is. I don't necessarily need to go hide in order to cry anymore, but when I'm having a sad day, sometimes a good hot shower is just the thing.

One of my sisters sometimes gets frustrated with me because I never call to "talk it out" when I'm upset. It's hard to explain, but that's not how I'm used to handling things. Sometimes I don't want to talk about IT because it will just make me cry (and I still hate to cry in front of other people) and sometimes there is no IT to talk about. Sometimes No Thing is wrong, or maybe it's just that No Thing is right.

There's a web comic that describes depression quite brilliantly. I imagine almost everyone has seen it, it went around Facebook for a while (which might tell us something about why we're on Facebook to begin with). Here's a bit of it that might explain....

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

I can have a conversation with you and try to talk about Stuff or No Thing or, sweet jeebus - FEELY Things. But when No Thing is Wrong or No Thing is Right, I can't always tell if I'm doing IT right: talking, smiling, relating, laughing, gesturing. So I get more worried about whatever IT is than about the actual conversation and eventually I just fake being okay so that I can stop being uncomfortable.

Does that make any sense?

Play That Funky Music

Today's Get Up Offa That Thang playlist:

• Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry, 1976
• She's a Bad Mama Jama - Carl Carlton, 1981
• Le Freak - Chic, 1978
• September - Earth, Wind & Fire, 1978
• Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas, 1972
• Super Freak - Rick James, 1981
• It's Your Thing - Isley Brothers, 1969

As K.C. once said: "Get down, get down, get down, get down toNIGHT baybee!"

That's right, I get up and dance like a dork, and all the cats ran to hide!

Things That Make Me Inordinately Happy In Comparison to the Effort Expended, In No Particular Order

First, happy 2013! For me, 2012 was a big year for learning and growing. I don't make resolutions, exactly, but I want to bring more focus on joy and fulfillment for this brand new year.

Therefore, in no particular order, here is a list of things that make me ridiculously happy.

• Tiny turtles poking their heads out of a lake.

• The first sip of the first cup of coffee every morning.
• Especially if that sip can be done sitting on a porch on a cool morning with a nice view of nature.
• Getting my hair washed and a scalp massage at the salon.
• When my little cat, D, curls up inside the crook of my arm at night.
• Also, when she plays with a toy and yowls at it like she's having the best orgasm ever.
• When my bigger cat, S, head butts me to get some attention.
• When my still bigger cat, B, sleeps hanging out from under the curtain, sprawled on his back and limbs go everywhere.

• When my biggest cat, M, curls up next to my hubby on the couch covers his eyes with his paw.
• The first 10 minutes after a shower, when I'm perfectly clean and my skin doesn't itch.
• The last chapter of a really, really good book. 
• Reading in a truly oversized armchair.

• Crawling back into bed for a snuggle with my beloved.
• Taking off the bra at the end of the day.
• Looking at photographs from good times gone by.

Certain there's more, but you get the idea. For a change I want to look for good things instead of only looking for the bad things, because if that's all you look for, that's all you will ever see.

Remember that post about Fat Ladies in Spaaaaace? I finally got around to coloring one!

The caption reads: "With her sidekick Gusty the unicorn dog, the Zaftig Zephyr spends her nights protecting the rain-spattered streets of Metrololopolis." (Coloring book and art by Nicole Lorenz.)

Self Soothing

One of the many things you learn to do with an eating disorder is find self soothing activities (other than eating) to participate in. Ideally, many of them would be active ones, but they don't have to be.

I went back to a couple of things that I loved to do as a child. After all, one of the goals is to soothe that lonely child inside, right? So, first, I bought some coloring books and a brand new box of crayons. There is still something magical about a brand new box of fresh, sharp Crayolas! I got a giant coloring book about fairies, which was very cool of course, but I also found this one, which I had to order immediately.... (I know, right? Ordering a coloring book, really!?!)

Worth it. Totally worth it. Coolest. Coloring book. Ever! (Check out that first link to it, the website shows several images from inside to give you an idea of how awesome this thing is.)

Okay, the second thing was jigsaw puzzles. I've done four now, and they work very well for me. If I'm feeling agitated or nervous, I can sit down and lose myself in the searching for a long time, then come back feeling happy and calm. There's something very satisfying about finding that exact piece and feeling them click together.

Here's my first puzzle in... well, probably 20 years! I'm a cat lady, you see, so the cats had to be first.

And maybe this one was counter-productive, but I couldn't resist it!

Then I "borrowed" this one from my sister's storage closet. Unfortunately it was missing a couple of pieces (and the leaves at the top drove me INSANE!), but it was so pretty.

And finally, today I just finished a new one: One Hundred Bunnies and a Carrot. Adorable!

So, that's what I do. Does anyone else have some other ideas to share?